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The Eight Symptoms of PA: Absence of Guilt over Cruelty to and/or Exploitation of the Alienated Parent

4/27/2017

 
This is the sixth in a series of posts about the eight symptoms of Parental Alienation Syndrome, first described by the late Richard Gardner, MD. The sixth symptom and the subject of this post is Absence of Guilt over Cruelty to and/or Exploitation of the Alienated Parent. 
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This symptom is typically found in the more severe end of the spectrum of parental alienation. It is manifested through the alienated child’s angry and critical tirades against the targeted parent.
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Under these circumstances, the severely alienated child will hurl hateful and demeaning comments directly to the targeted parent and will express or experience no guilt or remorse for doing so.

One vivid example I recall from many years ago was a young man who, through the manipulation of the Family Court system, was allowed to testify as to why he did not wish to see his father, who was sitting some 10 feet away from him with his lawyer. The young man stated that he hated his father, that he never loved him, that his father disgusted him and that if his father died suddenly, that he would not attend his funeral and would be happy about his demise. The father, who had spent untold money, time and energy in the attempt to maintain a relationship with his son, was understandably crushed at hearing these cruel messages, all delivered in a cold and hateful tone. The judge commented on how this young man’s delivery and overall demeanor during this exchange was actually chilling.

Interestingly, some months later, I learned that this young man had reached the age of majority, had moved out of his mother’s home and was now living with and working for his father. Obviously, in spite of the cruel and chilling speech in the courtroom, once the environment changed, this young man was able to essentially become himself again.

I frequently tell parents who have received such cruel treatment that underneath all of this is most likely an entirely different child.

Perhaps one of the most striking aspects of this symptom is that appears so very convincing. In many respects, severely alienated children operate in a kind of trance state where they too may believe the things they are saying, when they are saying them. However, as with trance states in general, once the trance has passed the person returns to their normal state of being.

Obviously, in the case of parental alienation, this return to themselves becomes less likely the longer the alienated environment which produces this trance state is maintained. This is one reason why reunification therapy should not be gradually and slowly engaged. This gradual and slow engagement actually helps to maintain the alienating environment and the trance like state that it produces.

Some years ago, there was professional discussion about the importance of the alienated child recanting the horrible things that may have been said via this symptom. The general consensus now is that such recantation is not to be sought, as this will most likely re-engage the alienation. Perhaps one way of thinking of this is that the horrible things said via this symptom should be treated more as a bad dream. It should simply be released.

As always, I would appreciate any feedback and comments about this most disturbing symptom of Parental Alienation. 

Parental Alienation Education for Attorneys

Effective litigation can change the face of Parental Alienation. The National Association of Parental Alienation Specialists, of which I am Co-Founder, has launched a new online workshop - "Litigating Family Law Cases with Parental Alienation" - please help us to spread the word about this FL Bar approved workshop by sharing this link with your attorney, and others specializing in Family Law. ​​​

Walt
5/1/2017 06:01:14 pm

So what is the best way to handle this situation and the adult children (young 20's) for example?

Marilyn
9/12/2017 10:08:39 pm

I think when a child is alienated they will need therapy of some sort! !

CJ
1/10/2018 04:07:54 pm

Is it possible for a 44 year old male to be affected with paternal parental alienation while seeking acceptance from his absent father and in turn express rage and disgustful comments to his mother who raised him as a single parent?

Kat
3/28/2018 12:53:50 am

I have seen several people once alienated suffering from guilt because of how they did this to an alienated parent. I think these things are best released and let go of - the expressions of a child that should not be held responsible for the environment they were forced to live in.

Sharon Christie
6/14/2018 05:53:15 am

I have experienced alienation from not only my oldest son, who is now 19, but all of my nieces and nephews on my ex’s side of the family, whom I have always been close. Is this also a common practice in Parent Alienation? Now, I am fighting for custody and battling my ex, who is putting both of my sons on the stand, 14 and 19, to testify against me. How can I make the courts see this horrible phenomenon?

Astrido
5/18/2019 09:13:37 am

My adult child came back into my life after a 10 year absence. During that time he was very cruel. Since we have reunited, there has been good positive change in our relationship.

He has never acknowledged that time period and denys that it was alienation. Neither of which are important to me. I bring it up because he suffers from severe and deep depression and I often wonder if that is part of his depression.

Ann Rhodenhiser link
5/28/2019 11:03:24 am

Do you see more depression in alienated children? If so, could this be a result of having anger at themself, as well as the alienated parent , even if not on a conscious, acknowledged level? Or do you think that the anger at the alienated parent is the trigger for their depression? A combination of all the stressors is possible as well I would think.

Carey
5/29/2019 06:27:44 pm

I think that the depression is not always there. Dinner people are very resilient and bounce back in the early adult years. Other kids suffer from depression and anxiety possibly for to guilt or possibly just due to the trauma of the divorce and the absence of the patent that they alienated. We know that many children with absent parents struggle with this but in this case not only is the parent made absent by the situation at times but also the child is made to believe that they are horrible which may translate to them feeling horrible about themselves particularly if they are similar to that patent. That's what I've seen in practice. Not sure how much research bears all of this out.


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    J. Michael Bone, PhD.

    Dr. Bone is an experienced consultant for cases involving Parental Alienation and has spent over 25 years working with high conflict divorce as a therapist, expert witness, mediator, evaluator and consultant, both nationally and internationally. 

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