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The 8 Symptoms of Parental Alienation: Weak or Frivolous Rationalizations for the Deprecation

1/13/2017

 
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​In describing the eight symptoms associated with parental alienation, it occurred to me that this might be a good time to pause for a moment and to describe how Richard Gardner, MD came up with these patterned symptoms. As you all probably know, Richard Gardner was a physician who practiced psychiatry primarily in New York and New Jersey. 
What some of you may not know is that he enjoyed an international reputation for his original work with children before he ever wrote anything about what he later termed Parental Alienation Syndrome. Prior to all of this he pioneered many of the principles now absolutely fundamental to child psychiatry and created many of its tools such as Play Therapy, and myriad interactive games with children designed for therapeutic and diagnostic purposes.

Prior to his contribution in these areas, these techniques and tools simply did not exist. Gardner was their creator. He was esteemed throughout the world for these contributions.

Then, in 1984 as Richard Warshak wrote in his Introduction to the International Handbook of Parental Alienation Syndrome, he wrote that children can lie about what happened to them, especially in the context of their parents’ divorce, and he became a target. From that point on, he became a target for many groundless and distorted attacks from many sources.

It is important to note that Gardner recognized that children can certainly be the victims of abuse and that this is always a serious travesty. He regularly wrote about the deep psychopathology of the Pedophile and was clearly saying that tragically, some children are the victims of these unspeakable acts. He however was the first to say that children, under the right pressures and influences of an alienating parent, can allege things that simply did not happen. He recognized that this was a possibility.

Since that time, there has been much research verifying the truth of this. Children can lie rather easily when put in the right environment, such as a contested custody battle. This is not to say that they must, only that it is a possibility. While this is largely recognized now via much research, such was not the case when Gardner published his first article on PAS in a 1984.

I was fortunate enough to know and to work with Dr. Gardner and was even privileged to do an evaluation with him as a co-evaluator, so I got to observe his technique and his sharp clinical perceptiveness up very closely. What was plainly clear to anyone who worked with him was that he had an extraordinarily keen clinical eye which was seasoned by a great many years of experience and training. It was through this clinical eye that he began to keep tabs on the things he saw over and over again in cases where parental alienation was present.

It is from this clinical perception and extensive experience, that the pattern of the eight symptoms began to take shape. He began to see that the alienation was progressive and that as it progressed, more symptoms were increasingly in evidence to the point of its full blown severe form, where all would be in evidence.

In other words, he saw that this was a progressive phenomenon whose course could be charted, and whose future could be predicted.

These eight symptoms, therefore, became the touchstones of what he eventually labeled as Parental Alienation Syndrome. But enough background. On to the main discussion. The second symptom described by Richard Gardner, MD in 1984 is Weak or Frivolous Rationalizations for the Deprecation.

This typically refers to a child offering up trivial reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship with what is now known as the targeted or unfavored parent. During the evaluative process in the context of divorce when parental alienation is present, the alienated child is invariably asked why they do not wish to see the once loved, now unfavored parent.

What Gardner began to notice was that when that question is put to them, that there was an obvious searching for some reason to substantiate their position. Since the primary true reason is the influence and wishes of the other parent (which was not to be shared), the child would often come up with reasons which were incongruous with their insistence that they not see the unfavored or targeted parent.

​In other words, rather silly reasons would be given to substantiate such a serious position. Such reasons might be that they do not like that parent’s cooking, or perhaps they do not like that parent’s home or housekeeping, or perhaps that they thought that the unfavored parent “talked like a hick” too much, or only wanted to take them to theme parks, and not spend time with them, or perhaps they did not like the way that they dressed or did not like the music they preferred. You get the idea.

When we look ahead to more serious and evolved forms of parental alienation, we often see more serious false accusations being leveled against the targeted parent. Under this scenario the targeted parent might be falsely accused of abuse or molestation, which would then be given as the reason for that parent not seeing that child.

However, even when this is the case, one will typically find that these weak, trivial and frivolous reasons to not see that parent preceded the much more serious ones.

As with all patterned things, there can be exceptions to this, but from my experience, even in cases where these more serious accusations begin to appear, one can still find what I think of as a quiet “sound track” of these trivial reasons playing in the background. For example, when evaluating a child who as accused a parent of having abused them in some way, if one asks the right questions, there will be evidence of these trivial reasons being present. This symptom then appears to have greater prominence in the earlier stages of the alienation process. As the alienation becomes more severe, so do - typically - the accusations.

When the allegations become serious to the point where law enforcement may become involved, it is these more serious allegations that receive the lion’s share of the attention. However this symptom, the weak and frivolous reasons for the deprecation of the parent remain, albeit more quietly. They are simply less relied and focused on, as the more serious accusations draw most if not all of the attention.
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As always, I would be interested in your experiences with Parental Alienation, and this symptom in particular.

Parental Alienation Education for Attorneys

Effective litigation can change the face of Parental Alienation. The National Association of Parental Alienation Specialists, of which I am Co-Founder, has launched a new online workshop - "Litigating Family Law Cases with Parental Alienation" - please help us to spread the word about this FL Bar approved workshop by sharing this link with your attorney, and others specializing in Family Law. 

Bruce Shollenberger
1/16/2017 03:25:36 pm

It is very difficult to relive the turn of events which were predominately resultant from severe alienation. But I see the aftermath and will for the rest of my children's lives. I don't believe the child is to be a source of discovery but rather both parents must be accountable for their own behavior and contribution. When you couple the actions of a rogue parent and a court system of unprepared uninformed and biased party's it spells disaster. The children have been controlled and manipulated through out the entire process by seemingly but questionably role model adults.

I thank God there are knowledgeable people like yourself and Richard Gardner with the insights to adamantly reveal and expose the alienation process. More needs to be done to categorize this coercive phenomenon in the DSM and stop the alienation of children. I believe the alienation is solely attributed to the one who instigates the thought control. This is where the focus of the effort needs to be placed to combat the mental disorder of alienation.

Renae
1/17/2017 05:46:46 am

We had all kinds of reasons given my my step children, First the mother relayed that the daughter was afraid to sleep at her father's house, even though she had done just that every weekend for 1.5 years. Then she didn't like that we had rules. We had 3...respect, kindness and good intentions. Then the complaint that I, the stepmother, was always asking my stepdaughter if she would like something to eat!! Then she didn't like that we had to do things together as a family, like celebrate a birthday. Instead of directing the daughter to participate and encourage her to develop these new relationships and show respect for her father and his family, the mother complained about these as legitimate reasons in mediation sessions. The mediator did very little to admonish this lack of support for my husband. Every mediation became a revictimization.

Debs
11/21/2017 09:45:52 am

Exactly what happened with my SD. BM performed many "post-visitation" shake-downs trying to get anything negative instead of allowing SD to be happy. Stupid stuff ALL the time. BM was a "hero" and a "saint" and Dad was portrayed as a deadbeat/sperm donor to anyone willing to buy into the B.S. BM was taught that court orders can be broken (supposed advice of her attorney) and was also able to get mental health student to to see child w/o Dad's knowledge/approval to try to discredit his attempts at shared parenting as well. In the meantime, the "mean" household with rules who helped the child lost grip of that. We now have a high school dropout (who unfortunately aged out before the fight was over) no diploma, no job stuck bored at BM's home. In our case BM is still a "best bud"/"hero" but our alienated child missed us and has just recently come back but at the cost of her educational well-being and missed out on many years of family times, vacations, birthdays all of which she can not get back. The sad thing is we have had friends and acquaintances go through similar situations who will never get their children "back". Our BM actually wanted SD to cut us off from any future children SD had as per conversations via text we saw (documented evidence). People intent on revenge should not be the ones with the children. Never once had SD heard from this side say anything bad about her BM despite all this.

April
6/9/2017 12:36:37 pm

When I was first thrust into the thick of alienation in 1995 via an exparte restraining order when my daughter's father took her from me, Dr Gardner was the only one I could find that explained the insanity and craziness of the situation I found myself in but could not understand and articulate. The alienation truly started when I divorced my husband, ten years previous, but full blown severe lies, accusations and keeping my child from me didn't start until I became engaged. I was thankful for finding the writings by Dr Gardner. I too, have found that those who have attempted to discredit him are "smoke and mirrors"
My daughter is now 32, her father sees her every single day of every single week, month and year to her husband's dismay. He maintains mind control over her, and her children to keep me out of their lives to this day.

Tomas Krajbich
11/18/2017 08:13:33 pm

It started shortly after our separation. I slapped my oldest daughter's fingers over an argument over her cell phone. No problem. Three weeks later I got notification to appear in court. Next day my kids would not talk to me and would not go with me when I arrived to take them to school as usual.
I was denied access to the for a time. Even got criminal charges laid against me.
All got dismissed, but since than I have but minimal contact with my oldest daughter, now almost15, than10. Like you said, silly reasons given. Than I got to hear from social worker, that I threw her down the stairs to the basement and choked her.
I would still see and talk to her when picking up her sisters. Lately she hides and would not speak to me.
Is there a point in starting a court (legal) process to try to get alienation therapy?
Is there such thing?
Your Tom krajbich

Michelle York
11/23/2018 06:52:05 pm

Dr. Bone, I would love to share with you my experience with this specific symptom of Parental alienation. Is there a way to contact you to discuss this deeper?

Dr. Bone
11/27/2018 02:28:07 pm

Hello Michelle, here is Dr. Bone's contact information:

http://www.jmichaelbone.com/contact.html


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    J. Michael Bone, PhD.

    Dr. Bone is an experienced consultant for cases involving Parental Alienation and has spent over 25 years working with high conflict divorce as a therapist, expert witness, mediator, evaluator and consultant, both nationally and internationally. 

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