Dr. J Michael Bone, Parental Alienation Consultant
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The Eight Symptoms of Parental Alienation: The Spread of the Animosity to the Friends and/or Extended Family of the Alienated Parent

6/8/2017

 
This is the eighth in a series of eight posts devoted to discussion of the eight symptoms originally described by Richard Gardner, MD in 1985. As a quick sidebar, I would like to also point out that while Gardner’s model has drawn some fire regarding the use of the word “syndrome”, much of such objection is smoke and mirrors, in my opinion. 
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Before Amy Baker’s important book Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome, I had an opportunity to read the pre-publication manuscript. When I did so, I called Amy and said something like, “are you saying that your research is confirming much of what Dr. Gardner was saying?” Her response was that her research confirmed all of what Dr. Gardner was saying. In fact, in Johnson and Kelly’s “reformulation” of PAS, their descriptions of the symptom pattern of alienation mirrors much if not all of what Gardner described.

Regardless if you call it Parental Alienation, Parental Alienation Syndrome or Child Alienation a la Johnson and Kelly, the phenomenon is basically the same. The behaviors that alienated children engage in and its progressive course is tightly patterned and therefore predictable. There is little controversy about this.

The last symptom, the eighth symptom of Parental Alienation is The Spread of the Animosity to the Friends and/or Extended Family of the Alienated Parent.

With this symptom, we see once loved grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins being rejected by the alienated child. I had the honor and opportunity to speak to a group of Alienated Grandparents in Naples, FL, who have organized into a kind of movement to address the heartbreak of this eighth symptom. Although I was the official speaker at their meeting in Naples, I am quite sure that I learned more from them than they did from me. Their comments and questions revealed that they had mapped the severing of relationships with grandchildren, and often also with their own children.

This is something that has not been studied, and such study is certainly warranted. Suffice it say, this last symptom is responsible for much of the heartbreak and tragedy of parental alienation.

While it is obviously heartbreaking for the now rejected grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins, it is devastating for the alienated child. Such a rejection, which they have been programmed to execute, cuts them off from the many and unique lessons and gifts that can come from a loving extended family.

In short, the lives of these alienated children become much smaller and more one dimensional. They lose the benefit of watching multiple adults living their lives and negotiating issues. Since the most basic form of learning engaged in by children is imitation, such a loss is tragic and damaging.

As with the prior discussions, I would appreciate any feedback regarding your experience with the Spread of Animosity to the Friends and/or Extended Family of the Alienated Parent. 
If you missed any of the articles in the eight post series, you can read them here:

The Eight Symptoms of Parental Alienation
 
The 8 Symptoms of Parental Alienation: Weak or Frivolous Rationalizations for the Deprecation

The Eight Symptoms of Parental Alienation: Lack of Ambivalence
 
The Eight Symptoms of Parental Alienation: Independent Thinker Phenomenon

The Eight Symptoms of Parental Alienation: The Reflexive Support of the Alienating Parent in the Parental Conflict
 
The Eight Symptoms of PA: Absence of Guilt over Cruelty to and/or Exploitation of the Alienated Parent

The Eight Symptoms of PA: The Presence of Borrowed Scenarios
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Online Parental Alienation Education for Attorneys

Effective litigation can change the face of Parental Alienation. The National Association of Parental Alienation Specialists, of which I am Co-Founder, has launched a new online workshop, "Litigating Family Law Cases with Parental Alienation" for Family Law Attorneys & others specializing in Family Law. The workshop covers this topic, and more. Click here to sign up for individual modules by topic, or to purchase the 11 module bundle & save $299.90 over individual module purchases.  ​​

Erin
9/17/2017 11:14:06 am

How about this scenario? My ex-husband has pretty much cut off his entire family (parents, siblings, nieces and nephews), a family our son was very close to, because I had dinner with some of the family members and our son. This occurred for the first time after 8 years of divorce. My ex and his wife basically went off on everybody, especially his mom. Our 11-year-old must now make it known to his father he wants to see or talk to his grandparents. He never does this for fear of upsetting his dad and stepmom. If his grandparents, who are elderly and not in the best of health, want to see their grandson, they must travel to where their son is, which is over an hour away. While I am still friendly with that side of the family, my ex's behavior and attitude keep everyone from having contact with our son. And he misses everyone. There's nothing I can do about unless they are too.

Jaclyn Clarke
1/29/2018 04:58:13 am

I write this note to you hoping that you can assist me in my journey and my children's nightmare of the past 2 years images labeled 5 time victim of domestic violence and abuse and my husband and his parents I paid for the appropriate lawyers to try to make it even worse I want to tell my story I want to continue to pass laws in my state that will avoid this from happening in the future and I'm looking for some assistance please contact me as soon as possible

Paige Bluhdorn
1/12/2019 06:43:39 am

Text me at 9144864090

ANNE milner
7/23/2018 02:27:14 pm

My daughter and her husband have cut all family and friends from there daughters life leaving her isolated with only them.
This is breaking my heart no amount of talking will change their minds they say they need no one.One of the reasons is they both drink heavily.

Judi
7/28/2018 05:06:11 am

My brother and I were close before he recently passed away. His adult children have been manipulated by PA. They came to his service and two seemed to want to talk to me afterwards. They are now in their 30's with small children of their own; who no one has met. I would like to reconcile with them, but am bewildered as to where to start, concerned I may or may not say something they need to hear or not hear, and destroy an opportunity for our family, to include their elderly grandparents, to heal. One of his children has answered me in a text and is willing to talk to me. We are all hurting, my brother is gone, and there are so many misunderstands, incorrect assumptions, and complicated circumstances. This is the first time we have seen them in 10 years. I tried to talk to their mother 5 years ago, but she didn't want to reconcile with our family. The kids are caught in the middle with a distorted view of their father, but I think to try to give them the other side of the story now would shut down any hope for future relationships; but this could be my only opportunity to do so, who knows. I miss them, their father missed them, my entire family misses them, but everyone's afraid to open their hearts again, for fear of being broken. There are no winners, we all lose. How to start over?

maurice vidowsky link
4/4/2019 10:26:40 am

I am writing my story of how I was alienated from my father and now how I am alienated from my own children and also the role of the extended family in both generations .Thanks for all of your writings such valuable references.


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    J. Michael Bone, PhD.

    Dr. Bone is an experienced consultant for cases involving Parental Alienation and has spent over 25 years working with high conflict divorce as a therapist, expert witness, mediator, evaluator and consultant, both nationally and internationally. 

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