When parents are abusive, neglectful, frightening, etc., these behaviors on the part of that parent can also cause a child to not want to see them. This is not Parental Alienation of the kind often referred to as Parental Alienation. Therefore, when a parent has been abusive to their child to the degree that the child no longer wants to see them, this is not Parental Alienation.
Parental Alienation, wherein a child no longer wants to see a once loved parent due to the influence of the other parent, is not the only reason that a child might not want to see that parent.
When parents are abusive, neglectful, frightening, etc., these behaviors on the part of that parent can also cause a child to not want to see them. This is not Parental Alienation of the kind often referred to as Parental Alienation. Therefore, when a parent has been abusive to their child to the degree that the child no longer wants to see them, this is not Parental Alienation. There is a debate within the professional community regarding just what causes children to become alienated within the context of their parents divorcing or its aftermath.
The debate boils down to this question: Is the behavior of the alienating parent sufficient to cause children to become alienated, or does the targeted parent’s behavior also play a role? While this may seem like an interesting question with not much significance, we find that its answer has profound implications regarding what may be recommended as a solution to the problem of Parental Alienation. Family Law attorneys may be unaccustomed to working on a consultative basis with a mental health professional. More often than not, attorneys tend to see such professionals as being experts, evaluators and therapists, whom they will depose, examine in court and/cross-examine.
The concept of having a consultant in a “team” framework is often not familiar ground. The purpose of this brief monograph is to outline the benefits a Parental Alienation Consultant can bring to your court case. On Sunday, March 11th at 8 PM EST, Dr. Michael Bone and Dr. Robert Evans will be our guest speakers for our international support conference call. This call is devoted to the problem of the education - or the lack of education - of professionals regarding parental alienation. Many of you are going through litigation. Some unfortunately have attorneys and other professionals who know little to nothing on the subject of alienation. Many of you are going pro se on your cases. This is absolutely a call you will want to be on.
Over the years, Dr. Bone has developed networks of other professionals who are experienced in the problem of alienation. Through these networks, as well as through other means, both attorneys and mental health professionals can be interviewed and screened by Dr. Bone regarding their familiarity with Parental Alienation, to help you select the right professionals to assist with your PA case.
This “initial filtering” process helps a parent who may be dealing with alienation to avoid falling into the “blind spots” of both attorneys and mental health professionals that may be simply unfamiliar with the peculiarities of parental alienation. I am frequently asked, “Why do I need a Consultant for my Parental Alienation Case?”
First and foremost, if you were searching for information about Parental Alienation, it is likely that you may be personally concerned about these issues in your own life and family. If so, it is vitally important that you realize that the specific issues that appear in Parental Alienation cases are very different than those arising in even a contentious divorce when alienation is not an issue. A few examples may be illustrative. It is well understood that visitation interference is a central theme in Parental Alienation cases, as are false allegations of abuse. If one’s attorney is not familiar with this, it is very likely that improper advice will be given, such as “not making waves,” that the “kids will come around” and “not to make an issue of a little bit of visitation being missed.” If alienation was not present in an ongoing divorce, this advice would be very likely appropriate. I had the ambivalent experience of reading a Court Order in a case with clear cut Parental Alienation. The Court ordered a Custody Evaluation by a forensic evaluator with deep experience with parental alienation. The report was very thorough and the recommendations were very clear.
In this article I outline the foundation of what I believe is a very helpful set of Parental Alienation coping strategies designed specifically for targeted parents. Targeted parents, after all, live in perpetual states of reactiveness.
The Targeted Parent is chronically left to respond to attacks, accusations, provocations and various slanders of all descriptions by various accusers. This enormously difficult psychological environment is a recipe for the development of either acting out behaviors and/or depression. I frequently receive email requests for Parental Alienation expert witnesses in a given case, in a given town. The basis of the request is that if one has the right expert, the case is done. This is simply not the case. While having the right expert is an essential part of any case, it is only part of the puzzle.
Persuasive Rhetoric refers to using language in an emotionally laden manner with the purpose of convincing the audience of some particular perspective. Persuasive Rhetoric is a tool for selling ideas, beliefs and positions on a given topic or subject. It is unrelated to truth. It only refers to the spin, the story and the goal of winning over the audience. Nothing in the message requires truth.
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J. Michael Bone, PhD.Dr. Bone is an experienced consultant for cases involving Parental Alienation and has spent over 25 years working with high conflict divorce as a therapist, expert witness, mediator, evaluator and consultant, both nationally and internationally. Archives
June 2019
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